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Epistulae Ciceronis
A Perfectly Squiffy Jag

A bastard after my own heart

27.02.06 Monday
01:17 am - A bastard after my own heart Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Today, Katie bought me a Braun electric shaver. I'm pretty excited about this because right now I use the highly-regarded-but-still-a-razor Gillette Mach 3. I've never used an electric shaver, but the concept appeals to my lazy side. Not to mention the fact that I don't want my face to be in anyway comparable to a baby's ass.

Anyway, so she brings it home and I take off the shrink wrap and pry open the glued cover to find that something's off. For starters, there is no packaging (like styrofoam) or operating manual. That's peculiar. On closer examination, I realize that there is also no shaver. I can understand cutting down on waste paper, but I figured it would at least come with an actual shaver? What the box does contain is a charger -- but for a much cheaper Norelco. And that's it.

Obviously, someone very clever bought this expensive item, unpacked it, put their no-longer-needed-and-probably-defective charger in the box, repackaged and returned it. Brilliant. It would have been even more brilliant if they'd put the shaver inside with it; I'm absent minded enough that it probably would have taken me a few days to figure it out.

Naturally, Katie brings it back. Only the store doesn't believe her story. They infer that she is the culprit (which, if she were, would have been even more brilliant than the original heist; let's ignore for a second that I happen to own a set of cheap cordless Norelco clippers). In true Katie fashion, she pouts and plays up the innocence factor until they finally grant her an exchange. BUT THERE'S A CATCH: they don't have the product left in stock. At this point, Katie has had enough and so after again being denied a refund she steps behind the counter, removes the women's kidney and feeds it to her. This apparently attracts some attention and gets her point across; Katie is given her money back. That's what they get for fucking with my girl.

Conclusion: While the initial investment of a few hundred dollars for a shrink wrap machine may seem daunting, it will easily pay for itself over a few returns using the above tactic. Or, if you can't front the seed money, just use the same trick on the shrink wrap machine itself.

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comments
[User Picture]
popcultureicon [27.02.06::10:00]
the ability to get what she want's out of retail employees is one of my curcial factors in choosing a suitable mate.
[User Picture]
tyrven [27.02.06::09:35]
So is the fact that she can fix my wireless network, install printers help me research overclocking.
tyrven [27.02.06::09:36]
popcultureicon [27.02.06::09:38]
tyrven [27.02.06::11:02]
herbaliser [28.02.06::12:15]
popcultureicon [28.02.06::12:39]
tyrven [02.03.06::02:56]
thaddeusquay [02.03.06::04:49]
tyrven [02.03.06::07:30]
audiguy [27.02.06::09:46]
tyrven [27.02.06::11:03]
thaddeusquay [28.02.06::02:15]
tyrven [28.02.06::02:26]
tyrven [28.02.06::02:28]
thaddeusquay [28.02.06::03:25]
thaddeusquay [28.02.06::03:55]
thaddeusquay [28.02.06::04:13]
thaddeusquay [28.02.06::04:32]
thaddeusquay [28.02.06::04:35]
tyrven [02.03.06::02:57]
[User Picture]
zepharum [27.02.06::10:02]
That is fucking brilliant.
[User Picture]
jawllyholiday [27.02.06::02:20]
I kind of wish crazy stuff like that would happen to me. I'd have better stories to tell people at parties... and more to write about in my LJ. Maybe I should start working on my creative writing skills and just start making stuff up. That could be fun... hmm. ;o)
[User Picture]
tyrven [27.02.06::09:27]
I think that's a great idea. Lying as a skill is underrated. People don't even have to believe you - it's just more fun when they do.
[User Picture]
lormagins [27.02.06::04:00]
the tactic works especially well at cheaper places like fred meyer where they're less likely to inspect the item or care. i've returned stuff that they didn't bother inspecting at all to see damage - they just refunded the money.

it can work well at super-pricey places as well providing you front the right snotty attitude. the more of an asshole you are, the more they'll bend over backwards for you.

it's the mid-range places you need to watch out for because the owners are just uppity enough to be able to respect some 'tude but not rich enough to stop penny-pinching and offering only store credit.
[User Picture]
lormagins [27.02.06::04:30]
btw you should check your caney.net email - i sent ya something.
tyrven [27.02.06::09:30]
lormagins [27.02.06::09:49]
[User Picture]
gfrancie [27.02.06::04:02]
Important factors in choosing a mate: Do they have nice genes, can they fix things, can they put retail folk in their place.
[User Picture]
tyrven [27.02.06::09:32]
That is pretty much entirely what I chose Katie on. Well, except for her genes; I was more partial to her sex-appeal than I was her parent's thoroughbred qualifications.
gfrancie [28.02.06::04:25]
tyrven [28.02.06::09:37]
[User Picture]
goldfischegirl [27.02.06::07:27]
I would have fucking sucker-punched those assholes.
What nerve, not believing her story when they're the ones too dumb to even open a package and confirm its contents on a return. Retards.
[User Picture]
tyrven [27.02.06::09:34]
No kidding. That blew my mind. I told Katie that she shouldn't even tell them; it's probably already been returned a dozen times by people that way. In fact, that's probably why they're out of stock - after seeing such a high return rate on that item, they probably think something is wrong with the product.

The original person who started the chain probably just didn't like the razer -- but when they were refused a refund for an open package they thought "oh, ho ho I'll show you!" and just like that, too.
[User Picture]
getlocalgirl [27.02.06::07:30]
Katie = keeper.
audiguy [27.02.06::09:42]
But, would you use a shaver if you had the impression that it was a returned shaver?

I'm just questioning the practice of reselling a returned item.

Just something about using a used shaver.

Eww..
[User Picture]
tyrven [27.02.06::11:03]
True.
[User Picture]
xaotica [27.02.06::10:58]

tell me how well the new one works... i use a mach 3, but nonstatic keeps stealing it and taking it on dj gigs, leaving me only with horrible disposables
[User Picture]
tyrven [27.02.06::11:05]
People seem to have the same type of loyalty to the Braun as they have to the Mach 3. Katie did a bunch of research into them a couple years ago and apparently the 8000 series is really solid. I'll definitely post a review.
herbaliser [28.02.06::12:17]
tyrven [28.02.06::02:23]
[User Picture]
meowlet [27.02.06::11:04]
Ha that's awesome. And NAUGHTY! :O

Braun is supposed to be really really good.
joez9 [27.02.06::11:08]
Back in my college days I worked at Circuit City, and found out about this. The official retail term for this is "Brick-in-the-box Return."

Basically, someone buys a sealed product, carefully opens the box (usually from the bottom) takes out the product, refills the space the product consumed with some bricks that come close to matching the expected weight of the product, puts all of the packing material back in and then reseals the box.

The thief then returns the product, the person behind the counter sees that it is sealed, and then issues the refund. The product returns to the stockroom, and is then rediscovered by a legitmate customer. Often times, the thief pays in cash so there is no paper trail. This is often done during a busy time at the store, and to a younger employee working behind the counter.

The same thing can also happen on products that are out of warranty. If the 90 warranty on your DVD player is up, and the model is still available, you just go out, buy a new one, put the old one back in the box and return it with the "Yeah, I just didn't like this one, give me my money back." Unless the store tracks serial numbers when the item goes out, they have no idea.

[User Picture]
tyrven [02.03.06::02:59]
That is so awesome. I love how these things always have formal names. Like how conmen have names for all of the types of cons. That's a good idea re: young employee during a busy time. Next Christmas I'm totally going to give this a shot. I also like that warranty exchange idea -- that's really quite clever.
thaddeusquay [28.02.06::05:53]
http://www.okaydave.com

This is a nifty website about one guy's design work. At the least, you'll probably like the section about his logos.
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