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Epistulae Ciceronis
A Perfectly Squiffy Jag

Castrated Men and Uptight Women.

20.10.08 Monday
01:27 pm - Castrated Men and Uptight Women. Previous Entry Share Next Entry

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gfrancie [20.10.08::09:01]
A guy who is genuinely nice doesn't need to tell the world how effin' nice he is. He is too busy being a socially adept human.
I am with Dan Savage's sensible advice. My husband is a nice guy and when he met me he also let me know he was into me and hey what the heck I was into him too.
I have also been around guys who were into me and while I wasn't into them I was polite about it and didn't call them a stalker and I didn't tell them what an asshole they were for daring to express their feelings.
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tyrven [20.10.08::10:17]
I totally agree. I have a handful of friends that I consider genuinely nice guys - people who everyone respects and are drawn to because they're fun-loving, authentic, and accepting. But they are very clear about their boundaries and will firmly uphold them; they don't tolerate drama or put up with bullshit. Those guys are rare, but they exist.

At a more abstract level, I agree with the pattern of "show not tell". If you are [smart|nice|ethical|moral|successful|beautiful|etc] then you don't need to project that onto the world, the world will judge you by your actions. (This is one of the things that bothers me about politics and politically-passionate people alike - and, in turn, why I enjoy taunting them so much).
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gfrancie [20.10.08::10:56]
Word.
Plus the whole "nice guy" thing seems to be about embracing the title of a victim.
I sorta want to say, "This ain't Oprah, I don't want to hear your story."
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tyrven [20.10.08::11:11]
Totally. It's the victim mentality that, ultimately, drives me crazy. I'm a big believer in self-empowerment and learning how to take responsibility for your role in a situation. But then, you know, I voted for a conservative ;-).
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tyrven [20.10.08::10:29]
As for your last sentence, I suspect most women are like you. Unfortunately, the ones that aren't are usually young and vocal; it only takes a handful of bad experiences (either through first-hand rejection or second-hand gossip) during a boy's formative years to set him firmly on the "nice guy" track.

One of the things I admire about Katie is that she's still flattered when a guy (no matter how slimy) hits on her. If he won't stop, she gets annoyed, but she doesn't immediately assume he's a pig because he's expressed an interest or appreciation in her.
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gfrancie [20.10.08::10:53]
Yep.
See I am with Katie. It is very sweet and kind of funny when someone expresses an interest and with that you kind of have to be gentle with people. But you don't lead them on with false hopes of getting poon.
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